she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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