How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
