Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
