So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
