I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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