While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
