Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i have two assholes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
