Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
