Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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