she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
