Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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