if you like me you must not know who I am
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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