rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
false alarm, still single
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize