??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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