dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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