It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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