I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
