I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
