Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize