You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
