so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
