YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
