its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
