My friends, they love my intelligence
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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