What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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