Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
