All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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