wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
