she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
