If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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