I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
