the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
