we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
