my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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