I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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