is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
