I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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