it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
