Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
