Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
