I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
