Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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