We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
