worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
