i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
