I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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