i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
