Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
