thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You are the jesus of drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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