Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
