just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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