Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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