my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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