sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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