FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
