he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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