Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
