So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
