No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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