Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
