there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
