I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
