I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
