so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
