there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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