So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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