She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All the doctor said was why
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
