I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
