Little spoons don't ask big questions
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
