my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
